You can't make this stuff up. Well, some of it anyway.

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On January 11th, the United Nations launched the world's largest safe-sex initiative featuring 20 animated public service announcements starring the Three Amigos: Shaft, Stretch, and Dick - three animated talking condoms. Ostensibly, these humorous shorts are meant to promote condom usage and other responsible sexual behavior among 15 to 24 year olds.

The Three Amigos official site.

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Reached for comment, Kofi Annan said "We have desperately needed to find something to replace the Oil For Food program which the United States illegally deprived us of by invading Iraq. With this new initiative, we have reached agreement to receive 2.4% of the proceeds of all condom sales worldwide from the major condom manufacturers. We will help prevent the spread of HIV/Aids and replace our flagging revenue stream as well. It is a win-win situation."

"This is how the program will work" Annan said. "We will use member nation contributed funds and donations for world relief for natural disasters to acquire condoms. The UN will take its fee from these transactions to administer the program world wide. We hope to have 10,000 condoms distributed for every man, woman, and child in the world by the end of 2007" he added, noting that, unfortunately, some backward countries consider that 15 year olds are still children.

Also disclosed today, Kojo Annan, Kofi's son, is a director or consultant for 4 out of 5 of the world's largest condom manufacturers. "While this is true, it is also the case that Kojo Annan receives no compensation from any of these companies" an unidentified UN spokesman said. "He did, at one time, have several consulting contracts in place, but no longer receives any monetary compensation" the spokesman added. Indeed, it has been learned, Kojo's current compensation is limited to a lifetime supply of condoms - which has already been the case for the entire UN administration where, for example, (and thankfully) in the UN building in New York, condoms are freely available to all visitors and administrative staff.

Also admitted, is that the names Kofi, Kojo, and Chirac were discussed for use with the animated characters. "But", said the spokesman, "the UN staff thought that, while it would increase awareness in the public square, it also made the UN vulnerable to derision." He added, "With condom characters having the names of these high profile individuals we could imagine, especially some citizen journalists, writing such things as Kofi Shafts the World Again, Kojo Stretches the Limits of Credulity, and Chirac: What a Dick! Since we have been able in the last few weeks to keep the public's attention away from the UN scandals, we didn't think it was worth the risk. Serendipitously, though, going through this exercise helped provide the actual character names that the producers decided to go with. So, something good came out of it."

Breaking: HBO and LA Films threatened to file a suit against the UN over copyright infringement and story concept for the film ¡Three Amigos! (1986). "Everyone knows that Chevy Chase is the biggest dick in show business" a spokesman said. "If the UN had just worked with us, we believe that we could have gotten the original actors to do the voices for these animated characters." For now, the production companies are seeking an out of court settlement with the UN.

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(Hat Tip: LifeSite)

UPDATE: Of course, it is SHOCKING to learn about yet another UN scandal from Powerline.