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WARNING: THIS SITE FEATURES ORIGINAL THINKING...Jim Croce once sang Don't tug on Superman's cape..., which seems like reasonable advice should we not wish to anger the supreme powers. We do have this duality in our culture: the Superman that is the state collective, the leftist call to a politics of meaning managed by the state, the deification of "we're from the government and we'll take care of you" - versus the Superman that celebrates individual freedom, private property, freedom of conscience, free enterprise, and limited government. We humbly take on the latter's mantle and, eschewing the feeble tug, we dare to PULL, in hope of seeing freedom's rescue from the encroaching nanny state. We invite you, dear reader, to come and pull as well... Additionally, if you assume that means that we are unflinching, unquestioning GOP zombies, that would be incorrect. We reject statism in any form and call on individuals in our country to return to the original, classical liberalism of our founders. (We're also passionate about art, photography, cooking, technology, Judeo/Christian values, and satire as unique, individual pursuits of happiness to celebrate.)


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August 18, 2005
Breaking: INS unveils brilliant immigration strategy
Filed in: Current Affairs, Domestic Terror, Politics, Satire, War on Terror

<satire>

In a brilliant strategic move, it was announced today by the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) that the United States will cede part of the state of Texas, including the cities of El Paso and San Antonio to Mexico immediately.

"We have long wrestled with the immigration issue that we have with Mexico", said an INS spokesperson. "While this may seem to some as a capitulation to the problem, we have really turned the tables on the Mexican government - because it is now incumbent on them to provide an infrastructure that will create an environment that is attractive to those who, until now, have been occupied with crossing the border into the United States to seek a better life."

"Part of the issue is that this land - in fact, most of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and California - was taken by force from Mexico during an agressive, expansionist phase of US history", the spokesperson added. "Recognizing that we really have no right to this land anyway - and that it is almost totally occupied by illegals, we thought it was high time to quit claim to it." the spokesperson added.

750x750_texas_m_2

During the press conference, the spokesperson, using a flip chart with a map of Texas, explained: "The shaded area represents about 65,000 square miles which is roughly equivalent in percentage to the total US land mass as the Gaza Strip area recently ceded by Israel is to that nation. This is really a small price to pay for the ultimate resolution to the immigration problem."

"Every citizen of the United States that lives in this area must leave their homes in the next week" said the spokesman, adding: "Anyone who does not leave of their own accord, will be evicted - by force if necessary. We recognize that this will be a painful process for some of our fellow Americans - but in the end, it is in the public's greater interest for this to happen."

Asked by a reporter about the Administration's involvement, the spokesperson stated: "The Administration has nothing to do with this. The INS on its own initiative obtained a state court order based on the recent SCOTUS Kelo decision and has declared this area the property of Mexico by exercise of eminent domain. The people need to realize that no referendums are needed, and no involvement by the other estates of government are required when the public good is at stake."

Asked by another reporter about the fact that, unlike Israeli settlers, US citizens have the right to keep and bear arms, and how that might impact the process, the spokesman said: "We will meet any resistance with a more than equal share of force. For those who lay down their weapons, our agents will enter their premises unarmed and carry them sweetly and with great empathy from their homes. For those who take up arms, we have more arms, and tanks if necessary to insure that the evictions take place. Ultimately, Americans have become sheep anyway. Sure, they may whine about this for a few days, they'll write their screed on their blogs, but, like the Kelo situation, when the time comes, they'll comply like the docile lambs that they have become."

The reporter who asked that question was unceremoniously taken from the press conference and mercilessly beaten to death by INS agents. No further questions were asked.

"Finally", added the spokesperson, "we are certain that the Mexican government can take this land and, once it has been raized, create a socio/economic utopia that will, for all of its citizens who have hitherto sought to leave their mother country for the true motherland of the north, provide a true homeland that will also attract all of the other Hispanic population throughout the United States. We know that this will ultimately be seen as a final solution to the immigration problem." 

</satire>

If what is happening in the Gaza strip were happening anywhere else in the world, it would be decried for the lunacy that it is.

There is no special Holy Land dispensation for appeasement.

Appeasement never works. Never has. Never will.

UPDATE: Almost singular in agreeing with my argument, Robert Spencer of Jihad Watch offers these insightful updates from Palestine (Hamas) and Iran. It is sadly interesting that most conservative politicos in the US are, in effect, siding with Tehran on this issue.



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People Pulling

The situation in Gaza breaks my heart. Don't you think that the PA will continue their outrageous campaign and Israel will say "See? We told you." and slam them back so far that they end up in India?

Thanks for the post, Mac.

EMCEE: Unfortunately, I don't see this is an "I told you so" strategy from Israel. I fear that they have their own Neville Chamberlain. I hope I'm wrong. Welcome Ana.

Posted by: Ana at Aug 19, 2005 4:30:12 AM

Do the Israeli's have a town that's equivalent to Del Rio I wonder? It would be sad to give up Del Rio.

EMCEE:

Not Del Rio, No.
We don't think you have to go.
Soldiers storm your homes.

Posted by: prairie biker at Aug 19, 2005 5:22:08 AM

So I'm moving this weekend? Crap, I'll be out of town, will I miss it? I'd sure like to have my stuff, at least.

Posted by: Scott P at Aug 19, 2005 8:42:07 AM

Or the Texas bit Phase 1?

I hope that's it, because I haven't packed anything...

EMCEE: No worries for you Scott - YET!

Posted by: Scott P at Aug 19, 2005 8:43:16 AM

Sharon doesn't have the history to indicate he is the Chamberlain of Israel. I don't know what to think - and believe we might just have to let this one play out (after all, Israel voting for this- not the UN or the "world community"). Also, I've heard, that with it's residents out of Gaza, they can better "close the gates" against Barbarians.

EMCEE: Hi Carin. We don't have much choice but to let it play out - but what did Sharon get for what he's doing to his own people? Does he have some signed non-aggression pact with the PLO, with Hamas? No. The terrorists are dancing in the streets and saying "First Gaza, next the West Bank and Jerusalem." Does the PLO and Hamas have a history of responding to gestures of good will? I don't think so. How can allowing short range rocket positions to be within range of Tel Aviv be 'closing the gates'? And what about the world community? If there were any country anywhere in the world that was displacing its own citizens and ceding land to a foreign country would there not be outrage expressed at the United Nations? Instead, we're hearing - even from conservatives among us - that this whole thing is just some shifty-eyed Jewish plan that has to play out in some Zionist fashion in the end. Carin, please don't think that I'm railing at you - I just can't stand the displacement from home that these poor people are experiencing.

Posted by: Carin at Aug 19, 2005 9:55:34 AM

It's a good point, but one problem. Mexico would give it back. Once they realize that Regan county was in the mix, they would demand that the US take it back. Regan county is where my cousins live and they turned that place into a real crap hole, if you can believe that you can make desert less habitable.

EMCEE: Yeah, kind of like how nothing would grow in the arid Gaza strip until the Israeli settlers came - now they export produce all over the world. Now Gaza = Regan county.

Posted by: Rob B. at Aug 19, 2005 10:34:36 AM

This is ingenius.

Having watched "The Alamo" last weekend - if this wasn't good satire, I'd burn. We got that land after Sam Houston a deal w/ their dictator: Your life or Texas. Literally.

EMCEE: Thanks Josef. I'm really fine with forgiving past American transgressions and land grabs. This land is our land.

Posted by: Josef at Aug 19, 2005 11:00:42 AM

Well, yes it is sad - but in ME politics, displacement from one's home ranks rather low in the "misery scale." Sharon is one tough bastard- not an appeaser. I have certainly always been on Israel's side in this. I feel this was just one of those "hard choices" they had to make.

Posted by: Carin at Aug 22, 2005 12:33:31 PM

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